Reviewed by Bridget Fuller
Review Source: Teaching for Change
Book Author: Laura Ruby
Me and Ms. Too is a story about a young girl learning to embrace her changing family. When Molly’s dad marries her favorite librarian, he expects them to get along. But Molly resents all the changes that are happening until she has an eye-opening day with Ms. Too. I recommend this book for its portrayal of a very common family dynamic; Pew Research Center reported that four in 10 American adults have at least one step relative in their family. However, the story greatly simplifies the journey of building a new family. While many children will relate to the problem Molly faces, the real-life solutions to integrating a new family are complex and require active engagement from the original parent.
Ever since Ms. Too moved in, everything has changed. Molly’s house used to be just Molly’s, and her favorite places used to be fun. Most importantly, her dad used to be just hers. When Molly complains that they’re just a bunch of funny little bunnies, her dad says, “Maybe we are a funny kind of family, but I like that about us.” Molly doesn’t like it. Her dad is confused about why Molly doesn’t like Ms. Too, but he seems to give up trying to understand when Molly is reluctant to share. Then, one day, Ms. Too takes Molly to the zoo where they see a big cat and a kitten who moved in to keep the big cat company. Ms. Too takes the opportunity to discuss how there are all kinds of families. She reassures Molly that she will always be her dad’s heart and now she will always be Ms. Too’s heart. Molly concludes that maybe they are a funny kind of family — and she likes that.
The ending, while heartwarming, is abrupt and tidy. Molly lets go of her resentment and bonds with Ms. Too after their single discussion about different types of families. Molly and her dad never discuss their new family dynamic on their own. While everyone’s experiences are different and there is no one solution, connecting as a family takes more than one conversation, and Molly should have someone to talk to about any future challenges.
Psychologist Dr. Patricia Papernow recommends that the biological parent and child have regular, reliable time alone. Without this time, Molly feels like she is not a priority for her dad. When Molly asks if Ms. Too is coming with them every time they go somewhere, she is expressing her desire for time alone with her father, just like she used to have. In the end, Molly recognizes that she is still her dad’s priority. Yet, she does not appear to spend time alone with him again, as all the illustrations show Molly and Ms. Too or the whole family.
Her dad tries to talk to her about her dislike of Ms. Too and the changes in her house, but Molly struggles to share how she is feeling. Sometimes, outside support is needed. Stepfamilies often use family members and community-based programs to help with adjustments. Molly does not seem to have anyone else she can talk to about her feelings, and her dad does not provide her with options. Ironically, Ms. Too seems to be the person who is most helpful. She reassures Molly that she is still her dad’s priority and takes the lead in showing Molly that all kinds of families exist. Dr. Papernow states that “just acknowledging that your family is different can provide a more realistic, grounded perspective.” Ms. Too also takes the important steps of starting slow and creating new family traditions with Molly’s input. While Ms. Too is to thank for their happy ending, the stepparent should not be relied upon for this. Molly’s dad is ultimately responsible for helping with the transition.
When sharing this book, I recommend discussing the many different forms families can take beyond Molly’s. If a child is in a similar situation, it can help to express that they can always share how they feel with a trusted adult and that feeling upset about change is perfectly okay. Not every family will have the ending that Molly’s did — there is no ideal family goal to be reached, and every relationship is different. What is important is that children feel safe and loved in the family they are in.
Bridget Fuller is an intern with Teaching for Change in Spring 2022 while studying sociology and education at the University of Notre Dame.
Me and Ms. Too by Laura Ruby
Published by HarperCollins Publishers on 2022-03
Genres: Family
Pages: 32
Reading Level: Grade K
ISBN: 9780062894335
Review Source: Teaching for Change
Publisher's Synopsis: National Book Award finalist Laura Ruby and New York Times-bestselling illustrator Dung Ho bring us an unforgettable story of the many different ways in which families are made and the beautiful, unknowable, magical things that hold them together.
For as long as Molly can remember, it's always just been her and Dad. Dad, who likes to splash in the pool, who likes to spin at the park, who bakes the best cookies around. But that was before Dad married Ms. Too. Ms. Too doesn't like to splash. She doesn't like to spin. And she can't bake anything.
"But Molly, you used to love Ms. Too."
That was before, when she was Molly's favorite librarian. Now everything has changed.
But as Molly and Ms. Too are about to discover, maybe change isn't always scary. Maybe change can be the best thing of all.
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